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Those Saturdays at the end of the month when, if you had money left over after the bills, we’d go to the mall. Have you ever made a scene, you said, filling in a Thomas Kinkade house, and then put yourself inside it? Have you ever watched yourself from behind, going deeper and deeper into that landscape, away from you? The time you threw the box of Legos at my head. I just go away in it for a while, you said, but I feel everything, like I’m still here, in this room. When I asked you, Why coloring, why now?, you put down the sapphire pencil and stared, dreamlike, at a half-finished garden. You hung them all over the house, which started to look like an elementary-school classroom. ![]() #A letter to my mother she will never read skin#Each day, for hours, you slumped over landscapes of farms, pastures, Paris, two horses on a windswept plain, the face of a girl with black hair and skin you left blank, left white. Magenta, vermillion, marigold, pewter, juniper, cinnamon. For months, you filled the space between your arms with all the shades you couldn’t pronounce. Let’s go to Walmart, you said one morning. That time, at forty-six, when you had a sudden desire to color. A bruise I would lie about to my teachers. Then the time you hit me with the remote control. Callahan stood behind me, her mouth at my ear, her hand on my hand, the story unfurled, the storm rolled in as she spoke, then once more as I repeated the words. I was struck by this curious act, its precarious refusal of convention. #A letter to my mother she will never read windows#But, instead of shuttering the windows or nailing boards on the doors, they set out to bake a cake. In the story, a girl and her grandmother spot a storm brewing on the green horizon. teacher, I read the first book that I loved, a children’s book called “Thunder Cake,” by Patricia Polacco. That time, in third grade, with the help of Mrs. I didn’t know that the war was still inside you, that there was a war to begin with, that once it enters you it never leaves-but merely echoes, a sound forming the face of your own son. I was an American boy parroting what I saw on TV. I stood, confused, my toy Army helmet tilted on my head. That time when I was five or six and, playing a prank, leapt out at you from behind the hallway door, shouting Boom! You screamed, face raked and twisted, then burst into sobs, clutching your chest as you leaned against the door, gasping. But I wasn’t trying to make a sentence-I was trying to break free. I am writing because they told me to never start a sentence with because. To live, then, is a matter of time, of timing. It only takes a single night of frost to kill off an entire generation. ![]() They perch among us, on chain-link fences, clotheslines still blurred from the just-hung weight of clothes, windowsills, the hood of a faded-blue Chevy, their wings folding slowly, as if being put away, before snapping once, into flight. In the span of two months, from September to November, they will move, one wing beat at a time, from southern Canada and the United States to portions of central Mexico, where they will spend the winter. Somewhere over Michigan, a colony of monarch butterflies, numbering more than fifteen thousand, are beginning their yearly migration south. ![]()
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